David Hopkinson, Ph.D., P.C., Psychologist

Grief and Loss

Life is loss: of passing time, fading dreams, lost opportunities, and people whom we love who leave us. Loss requires grief, and grief requires resolution, but this does not mean that we are to forget. Grieving is a process of defining the meaning of who or what has been lost: clarifying why memories are important. Grief is the process of learning to appreciate whatever or whoever is gone. When his father died, a man said, "My grief is my monument to my father". Grief is incomplete if not a communal experience. There is no timetable. Despite popular belief, grief does not involve stages. Unresolved grief can result in depression.

Grief may:

• come in waves and occur suddenly at seemingly random times.
• seem inconvenient, unwelcome, intrusive and disruptive - always.
• remind us of previous losses and reactivate prior episodes of grief.
• take many forms, such as irritability, guilt, remorse, rage, and so on.
• be provoked by anniversaries, special locations, or associated objects.
• lead to questions about the meaning of life and one's place in the world.
• last longer than one would wish and require more energy than expected.
• may occur prior to the actual loss, or not begin at all until long afterward.
• cause preoccupation, disorganization, indecision and confusion of memory.
• frighten the grieving person with intense feelings and a felt loss of control.

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, nor anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly." - Buddha